It Started with a Piano
by Cally Starkiller
Summary: The crew's ailing support, the loss of confidence, it was all raining down on Commander Shepard who hides behind titles and courageous battles the media pins on her. Only a simple musical instrument could bring her back.


**Lyrics taken from TI feat. Christina Aguilera-Castle Walls.**

**I own nothing.**

**A Mass Effect story. **

**For WolverinesDarlin'. **

* * *

><p>It started with a piano.<p>

Shepard sat in her swivel chair, staring at her fish tank in a trance-like state. Reverie is what Samara would call it. Normally she would've had the music blasting that it would make the lower decks complain but it was complete utter silence. Like a midnight walk through a forest in falling snow.

Loneliness plagued her for weeks now. Sure, she had her friends back now, a whole new crew, Counselor Anderson was talking to her again but…it just wasn't the same as it was two years ago. Two years ago she was with the Alliance and a rising Commander with a promising career ahead of her. But now, now she was working with the enemy and leading her squad to their doom on what was sure to be a suicide mission.

There was nothing to do on this ship, this copy cat of a ship…a replica of the old Normandy. Each time she roamed the halls and said her hello's to the crew, they only whispered theirs. A small murmur that she would have to strain to hear. Were they losing confidence in her? Did they know her thoughts of uncertainty to lead them in an impossible battle? Then again…Thane had told her she made a career of doing the impossible.

That alone gave her a boost of confidence, but it just wasn't enough. What happened to her? In the old times she would've went head first into action, guns blazing, her cocky side overruling her Commander side. She was no stranger to fighting against long odds, but this felt different. Perhaps death had made her realize her own mortality. Still though, she had cheated death yet again, if only by the slightest margins this time.

"Stop." Shepard slammed her callused hand onto her desk, nearby objects tipping over from the impact. As she watched the static fade from her terminal, her thoughts moved away from her frustration and focused on a way to turn it into usable energy. As Shepard again became master of her emotions, EDI once again chimed in with the obvious, "Commander, I am detecting elevated stress hormones in your system. Should I notify Dr. Chakwas?".

"Not necessary" Shepard replied. Her once grim visage softening into a smile. "I have something better in mind."

…

The blinding lights and earth-pounding music didn't do much to settle her ailing confidence but it was a start. Shepard took a step into the Dark Star, different characters and different personalities all blending into one as they all drank themselves under the tables. She mentally face palmed as drunken asari tumbled over their own two feet as they danced, turians discovering that they weren't the only ones with reach, salarians realizing that bachelor parties really weren't all that bad, and humans checking out the aliens.

And this is where she was going to become the person she was two years ago.

Shepard avoided all stares and strode up to the bartender, ordering a drink whose name she had already forgotten. Sipping with distaste she gazed around the room, looking for anything that looked remotely interesting or a place where she could retreat to and hopefully stay unnoticed. A bright neon sign read: "Help Wanted. Musical talent necessary."

That alone intrigued her. Music talent nowadays was rare indeed since all the music that plays in this century was techno. Shepard made up her mind in a split second, handing the turian bartender her chit and when he returned it, she escaped the claustrophobic bar and out into the streets of this glamorous place they call the Citadel.

C-Sec officials and normal citizens passed by Shepard as she weaved her way through the crowds, all of their troubled or unproblematic lives whizzing by unnoticed. Shepard had her own problems to solve, she had enough dealing with others.

Once Shepard reached her destination, she gave herself a mental boost and a small grin to boot and stepped right in. The Citadel's Local Music Store. Every instrument looked foreign to her but only one caught her interest.

"Excuse me? How much for that piano?"

…

"You sure you know how to play that thing human?" The turian bartender gave her a steely gaze, one eye watching as Shepard set up her piano in the corner of the Dark Star.

"Watch me." Shepard's challenging voice made the turian back off immediately then went to go turn off the music system.

"Don't screw this up, human." The turian bartender said as a last warning before the music went off and growing murmurs questioned where the music went. Finally all eyes turned toward Shepard as her hands started to flow across the piano keys, the sounds blending into one. The melody of something so simple and classic yet beautiful made the people in the bar to stop conversations, drinking, and everyone seemed to be focused on one single thing.

A piano.

The song slowly crawled to an end and when Shepard's finger tapped that last note, applause erupted and whistles echoed within the Dark Star. At that exact moment Shepard didn't feel so alone anymore. Sure, her audience was a group of citizens who spent their days dancing and bar hopping but it didn't matter to her. Just as long as someone listened to her express herself truly that wasn't swallowed up in a Commander façade.

Confidence. A surge of confidence hit her like a tidal wave as she took a bow and started walking away with a bright smile on her face. Who knew that strangers that she's never interacted with could ignite such self-esteem.

That next night she came back, the night after that, and that night after that until it became a regular routine for about a week. Pretty soon she started growing a crowd that lined up to hear her play and even C-Sec patrolmen stopped by to listen. Media took the advantage and set up secret cameras so they could keep an eye on what Commander Shepard was doing in her spare time. She was an extranet sensation once again.

But of course everything can't stop for a week. Miranda Lawson had decided that a week long 'shore leave' was plenty of time for Shepard to clear her head or whatever it was she was doing. Miranda had ordered Garrus Vakarian to go tell Shepard to come back and he was already making his way toward the Dark Star, careful as he threaded his way through the massive crowds. He was surprised C-Sec wasn't telling people to clear out. Instead C-Sec was enthralled with something else. The music.

That stopped Garrus in his tracks. Classical bittersweet piano music was drifting from the Dark Star and it was all coming from Shepard. The hardened Commander that was leading them into the impossible, the First Human Spectre, Savior of the Citadel…she was the one playing this heartfelt music.

It almost seemed unreal.

Garrus continued into the crowd, all of them still entranced with Shepard's piano playing, and tapped her on the shoulder when he reached her. Shepard finished her last note on her song and gave him a cold hard stare. It wasn't one out of hate or 'I-can't-believe-you-interrupted-me' stare, it was just…emotional.

Tears were glistening her striking blue eyes and Garrus was clearly confused, mandibles flailing. Hidden emotions and self-induced fears were coming unleashed each time Shepard played the piano. It was almost as if Shepard was using the piano as her outlet.

'_Something away from the crew, something away from her friends, it all makes sense now. Everybody was slowly losing faith in Shepard and it was getting to her. This is how she lets people how she is feeling. It really does make sense. She was never one to talk or have someone on hand to confide in…'_

Garrus could only smile to himself for he finally figured out the complex woman whose reputation preceded her normal human self. Allowing Shepard to play one last song he witnessed the soon to be popular holovid of Commander Shepard since her inauguration to join the Spectres.

Words accompanied this song, Shepard's voice slow and soft unlike her speech giving one.

**"_Everyone thinks that I have it all_**

**_But it's so empty living behind these castle walls_**

**_These castle walls_**

**_If I should tumble if I should fall_**

**_Would any one hear me screaming behind these castle walls_**

**_There's no-one here at all, behind these castle walls."_**

A rhythmic pace played on the piano balanced out the steadiness of the song being sung.

**"_Nobody knows I'm all alone_**

**_Living in this castle made of stone_**

**_They say that money is freedom but I feel trapped inside it all_**

**_And while I sit so high up on a throne_**

**_I wonder how I can feel this low_**

**_On top of the world it's beautiful_**

**_But there's no place to fall."_**

Shepard wiped away a hidden tear before it could fall down her pale cheeks, not wanting to address the persistent paparazzi who followed her after she fled the scene. Accompanying her turian friend back to the Normandy, she remained silent while Garrus kept quiet too.

Once they set foot in the ship Garrus couldn't hold it back for much longer and quickly said in a stunned voice, "Commander that was...impressive."

For her part Shepard didn't lash out at Garrus for expressing how he felt, or gave a frown at the compliment but seemed genuinely surprised at the praise. For weeks on end she was given looks that spoke volumes on their disappointment at how their progress was going. Then again she might've been imagining it and it was all in her head. Commander Shepard going crazy. That would feed the media their vanity filled news headlines.

If Garrus Vakarian understood the deeper meaning in her song and realized how hard this job was and didn't brush it off as nothing, then maybe he trusted her with his life. Could finally know that she really was okay and that she could still lead them to their uncertain fates.

Grateful for the one person that believed in her, she smiled. Not really directed at Garrus but more toward herself. That final boost of confidence.

It started with a piano.


End file.
